Headlines that make me go "Huh…"

Yesterday the headline in our local paper was “Homicide Victim Found Dead in the Street.” Huh.

So how else would you find a homicide victim?

Alive in the street?

Perhaps “slightly dead with a chance of wormbait by noon?”

It would be like reading in the New England Journal of Medicine that “Many phlegm splattered kids have runny noses.” Really? I would’ve never guessed that.

Okay, this is the second time I’ve ranted about the headlines but really, doesn’t someone read them before publishing them?

Happy Halloween!

I know everyone has probably picked out a costume by now and have great plans for tonight. Me, I will be at a carnival at one of the clubs, most likely not dressed up, but still, having a good time with the kids and staff.

What are your plans?

What are you going as?

What is you favorite all time costume?

Here is a list of my favorites…

Two friends of mine dressed up as dice and staggered around with empty bottles of booze – loaded dice.

After the 2000 election I put on a name tag with Chad and had a rope around my neck – hanging chad

Carving out a pumpkin and sticking your head in it from the bottom has always creeped out the kids… especially if the rest of your costume is the that of a scarecrow. I like to put a bullet hole in the forehead and have pumpkin guts dribbling out from it. Totally cool.

I thought about going as the World’s Worst Mime tonight. Still might. Maybe not.

Will probably just go in my ordinary duds and tell the kids that this year I am dressed up as Mr. Procrastinator.

Anyhoo, hope you have a great Halloween!

It is time to address the underachieving criminal!

Well the report is out and it seems the safest city to live in if you are an American, is Brick, N.J., with a population of about 78k. Amherst, N.Y. and Mission Viejo follow on Brick’s heels with the only Texas city making the safest list being #13, Round Rock.

The most dangerous city to live in is St. Louis, followed by Detroit and Flint Michigan. According to the FBI, these cities have experienced an increase of almost 20% in violent crimes. Hmm…

So what does that tell us? It tells us the criminal element in Brick, Amherst, and Mission Viejo are a bunch of underachieving morons who couldn’t kidnap their own mother and hide her from themselves. On the other hand, we see the criminal element excelling in St. Louis, Detroit, and Flint because of an arguably better education system for criminals.

Do you think the folks of Brick, Amherst and Mission Viejo are thrilled they have criminals with such low expectations? I don’t think so!

I’m wondering if anyone has thought to address this issue in the current campaigns going around the country. Come now, we as Americans expect perfection, even in our criminals, and to see such shoddy work in Brick or Amherst is a travesty. I, therefore, propose a new government program designed at giving disadvantaged, low achieving, low motivated criminals a step up in the criminal realm. I think you will see the simplicity in this idea.

1. Add a 1% tax to grocery items across the country. We won’t hit the sin tax this time as the smokers and drinkers have already paid enough and are killing themselves at a terrible expense at this time.

2. We develop a new office in the Federal Government, the Office of Knowledgifying American Yahoos (OKAY). I would propose since this was my plan, I should be appointed as the first OKAY Secretary.

3. With an enormous budget, I will start to investigate ways to stimulate the criminal element to become more efficient and proficient in their occupations. I’m thinking I will have a pool of experts in the House and the Senate to draw from.

4. To globalize my plan, I am going to need some international studies as well so I propose to shift a good portion of my budget to a Swiss bank account so I can administer funding from Europe as I check into methodologies that have puzzled Interpol and the best police agencies in Europe.

5. Finally, I propose to set up offices in Rio, Barbados, and Hong Kong so I can gather the best information possible to create a base of highly trained criminals capable of passing on their skills to the underachievers class of hooligans in our society. Yes, I will need a bank account in everyone of these places as well to expedite the process.

We could plan on seeing some positive improvement in our cities by the year 2010… provided the government can find me.

I love me some Longhorns after a not so good weekend

It is early Monday morning and I have been fighting a weekend of sinus infection and earache. The regional training I hosted went well, although we lost several participants to sickness. It is that time of the year I guess.

One positive from this past weekend was watching the Texas Longhorns come back from being 21 points down and winning an exciting game with Texas Tech, 35-31. Four weeks in a row they have had to come from behind. Hmm, I’m okay with an occasional blowout, just to make it easier on the ol’ Frustrated’s heart.

I did get to spend some time with friends yesterday afternoon when they helped me move the last of my tools into a storage building. It was a nice way to spend a little bit of time with wonderful people before heading home to try and catch some more rest.

I am not looking forward to flying on Wednesday with a full infection still going on so I think I will see if I can get into my doctor this afternoon. Get a few drugs… knock this stuff on it’s can, and then spend 10 days in Atlanta. Sounds like a plan to me.

Hope everyone out there has a great day and week.

Enough with the babbling…time to hit it a lick.

Well it is official, somebody figured Frustrated out…

I am heading to an Executive Leadership Program which covers ten days of analysis, team building, strengths recognition, planning, and providing the tools for the ol’ Frustrated to get better at his task of leading people and a fairly large organization.

Part of the preparation includes taking a strengths assessment to identify your top five strengths. Welpers, here are mine…

Context
People strong in the Context theme enjoy thinking about the past. They understand the present by researching its history.

Strategic
People strong in the Strategic theme create alternative ways to proceed. Faced with any given scenario, they can quickly spot the relevant patterns and issues.

Individualization
People strong in the Individualization theme are intrigued with the unique qualities of each person. They have a gift for figuring out how people who are different can work together productively.

Input
People strong in the Input theme have a craving to know more. Often they like to collect and archive all kinds of information.

Belief
People strong in the Belief theme have certain core values that are unchanging. Out of these values emerges a defined purpose for their life.

So sayeth the experts.

Sigh.

Tubby Ponders Frustrated

Tubby asked if I wrote all of this stuff or was there a team of writers who contributed. I fear Tubby, there is only me and that all of this comes out of one head. I do go in spurts now when it used to flow freely. Depending on the stressors at work or in my family, my time to write is limited. Luckily of late, I had some nights I couldn’t sleep or wake up too early in the morning and can’t get back to sleep so it is easy to type out a quick post.

Unfortunately I seldom edit or read my posts over and so the readers have to suffer through the grammatical and spelling errors. What a gracious lot you are!

I guess the writing I do in this blog takes me away from the mundane writing of reports, grants, and policies. Getting out among the kids is always a joy but even the administrative concerns can make that a challenge. So I guess through the writing I find my relief. It used to bother me if no one was reading it but these days I enjoy just putting it all down.

Perhaps I am cursed in another way too, I love to watch people, listen to their interactions and then write about them. If you take the fact my view is often skewed by humor then I am almost twisted. Oh well, I enjoy the curse and hope it lasts forever.

So yes Tubby, there is a Frustrated Writer who lives in the heart of a busy middle aged executive and hopefully will continue to live until his dying breath.

The Last Winner’s Picture

Here is the last picture from the winners at the Thanksgiving Card contest. I think it is excellent work for a seven year old.

Strong Women

In recent discussions with a friend I made a rather rash statement that women divorced themselves from chivalry with ERA in the 70’s. Not that it was a bad thing, I just think they threw out some basic manners when all of a sudden men were not to open a door for a lady or assist her in any way.

I could be wrong but the decade that followed of growls, snarls, and snippy comments produced a generation of fearful men who failed to pass on good etiquette to their sons. Maybe the new system is better but I fail to see how being a gentleman threatens the strength of a woman.

Realizing it is wrong to make a broad sweeping statement about any gender, I still want to put out a little something in poetic form…

So a ditty my friends, a ditty indeed.

I went to open her door
She met me with a growl
I stopped, a bit unsure
Until she gave me a nasty scowl.
“It’s just a door,” says I
But she is having none of it.
“No, it’s man’s way of getting by
With repressing women’s wits!”
“We don’t need your faux fancies
Of helping out ladies in distress
We are more than some Jim Dandies
Who can live beyond the dress.”
I agreed but tried in vain
To explain my intentions
To save her from the pain
Of a swinging door dimension.
But alas, the woman strong
Succeeded to put me in my place
Despite the painful wrong
Of watching the door hit her in the face.

Thanksgiving Art

We send thank you cards to donors at Thanksgiving and let the kids compete for the right to be the picture on the front of the card. Here are three of the four winners…

Life’s Cow Patty Blues

As requested by Beverly… A poem about all the sh%% that goes on in life. Not sure what is going on in her life but I do know that at sometime during our existence, we all have to wade through the vast sea of fecal matter we call life. It’s not fun, it’s no thrill, but when it’s done, we’ll be stronger still.

Now on to a rather stinky poem…

Sometimes I feel like I’m caught
Among a cosmic movement foul
And everything is for naught
Being dropped from Life’s lower bowel.

Sometimes I land on top
And that seems almost divine
When I can breathe in the flop
From Life’s cosmic bovine.

Sometimes the bottom’s my place
And the view is rather dim
As the cow patty splatters my face
And my success seems rather slim.

But I remember that everyone
Will experience the bottom and top
What will matter is what they’ve done
No matter where they’ve been dropped.

So friend when life seems so foul
And you’re the bottom of a cow patty plop
Let your friends hand you a towel
And help you come out on top.

Speaking from experience, it is our friends who do get us through the rough times. I can think of several who have been there during the good times and the stinky times and for them you thank the good Lord for such a blessing.