Plumbing Blues

So I’m putting in the kids’ Christmas present to their mother and horror of horrors, the job that should take two hour max ends up taking all day. Plumbing never comes easy and sure enough, one pipe breaks, another is weak, and before you know it I am revamping all of the pipes underneath the house.

This morning I am sore from bumps, scratches, and having been in positions that would have made a yoga guru proud.

So a poem is bubbling out… I just feel it!

Why is it that projects simple
Seldom work out like we plan
And become the proverbial pimple
On the butt of frustrated man?

I offer you plumbing
As an example quaint
Cause it is quite numbing
When what should be, ain’t.

Chasing one problem after another
You find your project grows
And you’ll be crying “mother”
Fighting your plumbing woes.

So what is the lesson taught
As you are feeling dumber?
You should do as you ought
Spend the bucks, pay a plumber.

A Bit of Relief

My parents were in a serious wreck last night. At the time of this writing they have been checked over and my dad has a chipped ankle and a sprained wrist while my mom has six broken toes and they are running xrays of her chest.

They were the lucky ones.

The car that they hit was out of control and sliding across the bridge when they hit them broadside. One woman, not buckled in, died at the scene. Another is not expected to live through the night. The driver is in serious condition too.

The kicker. The folks they hit were heading to a drug pickup (they left messages on their cell phones) and the driver is looking at two counts of manslaughter.

As for my parents, I am so grateful they are in as good as shape as they are in. I can only imagine what thoughts are going through their minds and I know they will be hurting for some time. For the folks in the other car, I am sympathetic to their families. I hate the fact they were engaged in the activity that had them out on an icy road and that those who live will never be the same.

It just reminds that in a blink of an eye our lives can be transformed forever.

Hanging Out with Saddam

So you’ve had your trial
You’ve made your peace
And in a little while
Your life will cease.
So at the end
Of a new rope
Your nation will send
Up cheers of hope.
So Mr. Butcher of Bagdad
As you drop through
We won’t be sad
To be rid of you.
While scholars are debating
I must secretly confess
I hope the 70 virgins waiting
All have PMS.

Thirteen Things to Do on the Thursday After Christmas

1. Take down the Christmas tree.
2. Drink the last bit of egg nog, double strength.
3. Pack away decorations
4. Sip some of the nog, minus the egg.
5. Put all of the furniture back into place.
6. Forget the nog, go straight to double shots of bourbon.
7. Start writing the thank you notes.
8. Purchase more bourbon.
9. Sort through the Christmas bills.
10. Work on interesting mixtures with vodka, bourbon, and rum.
11. Vacuum the floor.
12. Sip on the concoction you recently created
13. Hope you don’t fall into the neatly packed decorations…

A Christmas Blessing

Merry Christmas everyone!

May the day be blessed
May you find a bit of peace
May you be free of stress
And may anxieties cease.

May you be surrounded
By family and friends
And may you not be pounded
By the Christmas blues fiends.

May you end this day
With a contented sigh
And may your head lay
With loved ones near by.

Merry Christmas from Frustrated and mi familia!

May The Man in the Red Suit be Good to Ya!

Just a quick “Merry Christmas!” to all my friends, blogging buddies, and family. May the big guy in red be kind to you!

Taking some time off…

Next week I am actually going to take three to four days off from work. I am so looking forward to having the time to sit back and chill with the kids, my parents, and a few of my siblings. It will be a blessed break from the long hours and hard pressed days.

I hope all of you get the same opportunity!

So in celebration of those days away, a poem.

I Ain’t Gonna Be There

Don’t call me at work
Thinking you will get me
‘Cause I have a perk
Called “days off” you see.
I’ll be kickin’ back
Sippin’ coffee and such
Losing complete track
Not thinking about much.
So if you search for moi
Wanting my time so rare
Don’t look at work Francois
‘Cause I ain’t gonna be there.

Taking careful aim, Frustrated slams a shot into the wrong goal…

Took the kids out for pizza and air hockey last night. It was one of those moments when a dad and his kids take out some quality time to learn those important lessons of life; dads rule when it comes to air hockey so come along and get your butt waxed.

I know, I know, I should be easy on them because it is Christmas. I want you to know I had promised to keep the gloating to a minimum and wouldn’t even tell people how badly I beat them until…

Until…

Until… they whipped me like a red headed step child. I couldn’t win a game to save my life. Three times we played me against the both of them and I would have demanding three point leads (6-3 in a seven point game) only to watch them come back and win. Twice I hit the shot that ricocheted back into my own goal. Jman was quick to add that I had indeed hit the winning shot…sigh.

So I’m thinking maybe I should’ve talked to them about the meaning of Christmas and the reason we should all give and not worry about the receiving the adulation of the air hockey masses during this special time of the year.

Nah, I will just wax them next time.

Yes, there will be a next time!

Crank it up!

Christmas is getting close and it is time to crank it up! Woohoo!

All the Christmas parties are over at the clubs and everything went oh so smoothly. Yesterday big grants came in that I was waiting for and that is like, yeah baby! Now today I will play Santa for the last time this year and deliver gifts to the folks who have mental retardation at a local state facility. They really enjoy the jolly old man in the red suit so it will be a thrill.

Saturday I have my two friends over from the same facility to have Christmas with them and my kids at my house. This will be such a kick and I am happy my kids are so eager to share with them.

Last minute shopping sprees…

Embracing the call of Wally World at 2 a.m.

Oh baby, it is definitely time to crank it up!

Thirteen Things I Believe About Christmas

1. I believe Santa Clause should be witty, fun, and a pleasant experience for the kids.
2. I believe if the child is terrified and doesn’t want to sit in a strange man’s suit, especially if he is wearing a fake wig, hair, and a smarmy red suit, then you shouldn’t make them.
3. I believe kids are getting more and more cynical about Christmas. Wonder where that comes from…?
4. I believe Christmas music is great stuff. They should play it all year.
5. I believe the chestnuts have roasted over the open fire long enough. Time to bury that song.
6. I believe singing to a Christmas Tree is fairly close to singing to a fire hydrant. Neither one makes sense to me.
7. I believe adults who sit on Santa’s lap and ask for a) husband b) girl/boy friend or c) fiance’ are probably destined to live sad lonely lives.
8. I believe fruitcakes should be labeled as hazardous materials.
9. I believe Salvation Army bell ringers who harass shoppers probably don’t get the same amount of donations as the quieter ones who graciously say, “thank you” when you toss money into the pot.
10. I believe Rudolph is a prima donna and most likely a cross dresser.
11. I believe people are more generous at Christmas and that is a good thing. I wish they would stay that generous all year.
12. I believe that the spirit of Christmas does exist, most often in the hearts of small children or the elderly.
13. I believe everyone should pause for a few minutes, enjoying a moment of quiet reflection on the true meaning of Christmas, and then in the spirit of generosity, write the ol’ Frustrated a rather large check. Money orders and cash are also accepted.

Merry Christmas Ya’ll!