I do seem to have a talent to fix plumbing problems which isn’t a big deal if I am not having to crawl under a house with various creatures that like to administer the dreaded heebie jeebies by scurrying across your body while you are all stretched out trying to glue pvc pipe together. Today I actually had the opportunity to work on a different type of plumbing problem; replacing the valve stems in a shower fixture that is 44 years old. Somewhere in the removal of the parts I think I bonded with this fixture that was produced three years after my parents assembled me in a small Mom/Pop factory in Stephenville, Texas. In many ways we are alike because despite a few drips here and there we’re still functional.
Okay, focus Frustrated, focus. Where were we, oh yes…. I enjoyed the challenge of the plumbing problem before me. Yes, it is frustrating to hear salesmen say such things as “ooh, haven’t seen one of those in a while” or “that’s a toughie” but amazingly the parts can be found on the Internet and will be here this week. I am amazed at the toughness of this piece of equipment since most fixtures seem to play out after 20 years or so but this baby has just kept functioning and with the exception of a couple of washers and a bit of crud buildup, is still in pristine condition.
I would like to think that human equipment could be as resilient as brass fixtures cast in some foundry, drilled, tapped, and assembled in a factory and then placed in some hardware store almost a half a century ago. Unfortunately, I happen to know that at least two of my sensory functions have dulled (hearing and sight) and the others are sometimes questionable. It seems like all the moving parts take more time to get into a fluid motion state and for some odd reason there seems to be a longer need for recovery for muscles and bones. I know the aches sure last longer too.
Why is it you can’t go on-line and order replacement parts for the ol’ body like you can for plumbing fixtures? You know, click through a virtual catalog of new eyes, ears, muscles, digestive systems, hearts, lungs, etc. and find that special part that fits only your body and wallah! in three days it shows up on your mailbox with an instruction sheet for complete installation of your replacement part. I know that most of us guys wouldn’t bother reading the instructions and there would be men walking down streets with eyes popping out at random moments or you would see them taped into the sockets with duct tape, but they would be functional.
Maybe this concept is to much to dream or hope for and I really do know the whole “this would be physically impossible and not everyone has the medical knowledge or the microscopic equipment to reconnect essential nerve endings especially after severing the optic nerve” but perhaps if they would talk you through the procedure… Oh alright, there is probably some medical union somewhere that would totally not go for this idea (sigh, such short-sighted people, no pun intended) and you would have liability issues where some over-eager time slashers would actually remove both of their eyes before trying to start the replacement procedures… but really, I think it just might work.
Wonder what it would take to make this happen? Welpers, I will have to ponder this later as I have been fighting a headache that would make an elephant whimper and curl up in a fetal position (now there is a visual image you don’t have too often). More later.
