Conferences

Boy howdy, another conference over and I have survived the dreaded ordeal including death by rubber chicken.  The classes offered were actually good this time and I have to say they were good enough to tempt me to attend the next one.  While the sessions were good, I am wondering about the people attending this conference when they say things like:

• You’re from Texas?  That’s by Mexico, right?  Why yes, we are that little state that is hard to see… you know wedged between New Mexico, Oklahoma, Arkansas, and Lousiana.
• I’m sorry, I’ve had three drinks already and can’t say anyone’s name right much less smell it.  Guess you’ll have to just slap me.  Uh no, you might like it.
• I know there is no such thing as a stupid question… Sigh, whoever said that obviously never heard the question you just asked…
• Isn’t Montana the most beautiful state?  Hmm, maybe it is but I think this side of the state is where they are storing all the ugly.
• I hope no one cares if I smoke in here.  I don’t think anyone is going to care… okay, maybe the guy with the oxygen bottle might and I’m sure everyone giving you the ugly looks and pointing at the no smoking signs are probably just upset about the dessert.
• My staff won’t listen to me.  They come in and work their time and leave immediately, ignoring my request of staying another 15 minutes for a short staff meeting.  How do I get them to stay?  Hmm, you might start with, “Only employed people need to attend the staff meeting….”

I won’t bore you with any more assinine conference stories.  Hope everyone had a great Thursday!

Thursday Thirteen for August 30

Thirteen Thoughts About Billings Montana

1. Having stayed here now for two days, I realize they haven’t learned to wash dishes yet.  Every place we’ve eaten has dirty dishes.  I’m sorry, lipstick on glasses isn’t cool especially if it doesn’t match your shade.
2. There are a lot of wanna be cowboys.  Hmm….
3. Everywhere you look is a casino.
4. And a bar…
5. They have a great museum of art with wonderful displays.
6. The conference meals haven’t been identifiable yet.  I’m hoping for something recognizable tonight.  BTW, chocolate pudding does not qualify as a “fine dessert.”
7. If you go walking in the evening people drive by and honk at you.  Maybe they are wanting me to know they actually know how to drive.
8. Cell phone receptions sucks here.
9. The airport has the shortest runway ever.  If you overrun it you get a free trip down a small canyon.
10. Does anyone know why there is a Billings, Montana?
11. The buildings down town are cool though.
12. When you ask sales clerks questions they have the cutest “I don’t know what the hell you are asking” look on their face.  I think maybe I should write all questions on big sheets of butcher paper with a purple crayon.  Wait, I am assuming they can read.
13. They don’t have trees here.  Sort of like living in Amarillo but in a canyon.

Learning History From a CD

I love listening to Books on CD and have recently been imbibing in a little history or two.  The book is Founding Brothers and tells the story of the eight most influential people of the American Revolution and consequent republic.  Those eight are George Washington, Benjamin Franklin, Thomas Jefferson, John and Abigal Adams, Aaron Burr, Alexander Hamilton, and James Madison.  Some of the more interesting facts gleaned so far:

•  Hamilton shot first.  Burr shot second and was looking to give Hamilton the “honorable wound in the hip or the leg” but because his ball his a bone, the bone shattered and the ball ricocheted up into  his abdomen.  Both men died that day; one physically, the other politically.

• The “interview” between Hamilton and Burr (interview because dueling was illegal) took place in New Jersey
• Hamilton lost miserably.
• The site of our Nation’s capital was decided over dinner between four men.
• They thought they were building a bridge between Assumptionism and Residentalism.
• Washington ultimately decided on the Potomac.  There were no houses, streets or commerce stations anywhere near the Potomac.
• Philadelphia wanted the capitol there but when George made up his mind…. although he did name the main street the capitol would be built on the and city around, Pennsylvania Avenue.
• The original ratified Constitution did not allow Congress to address the slavery issue until 1808.
• The Republic almost split apart in an earlier version of the Civil War with the New England states threatening to secede and then Virgina threatens to secede because the Quakers want to debate slavery .
• Size does matter.  Many historians believe we survived the first thirty years of democracy because of the vastness of land mass the citizens were scattered on which earlier attempts did not have and the people ended up turning on themselves.

Well, the things you can learn while driving.

Thursday Thirteen for August 23

Thirteen Random Thoughts

1. Played a few games on a Wei last night.  Bowling kicked my butt but I did okay in the boxing game.  Really cool concept and I can see why they are so popular.
2. They need to figure out how to let you uppercut in boxing though…
3. My character that was created by a competitor and he came out looking like Jack Nicholson.  Yeah baby.
4. Wow, the Texas Rangers score 30 runs in one game.  I guess this makes such a dismal season easier to take.
5. College football is so close I can taste it.  Hook ‘em!
6. I can’t help but notice at the Cracker Barrel stores they have Texas and Texas A&M paraphernalia combined on the same table.  Blasphemy!
7. As flood waters recede in our town, the streets and parking lots are all a nice color of orange.  Hook ‘em!
8. Listened to the four local high school coaches speak at Kiwanis yesterday.  The coach of the six man football team had the best lines including, “I know the guys up here will appreciate these numbers; 6′3″ 245 pounds, 6′1″ 215 pounds, and 6′5″ and 275 pounds.  Unfortunately those are the coaches…”
9. They are actually playing two six man games on Saturday this year so I’ll be able to go watch them.
10. Bought a Vince Young Rose Bowl Jersey from a friend who bought it off Ebay and it was too small for him.  Nice!
11. They are working on the sprinkler systems at work and somehow have managed to release some sort of chemical inside the building.  We are working outside at other sites.  Sort of makes it inconvenient though.
12. Supposed to have lunch today with my brother as he comes through town on his way to a Veterinary Convention in Ft. Worth.  Always good to catch up with the bros!
13. Next week school starts!  No wonder I see so many smiling parents around town.

Frustrated Thoughts About The New Feminist

I have nothing against the feminist movement as I am proud to say that in my family lineage there have been a feminist or two making their way through the world of men.  One of my favorite family photos is from the Brady Standard, circa 1921, where you can see my great aunt Fae standing proudly with a group of suffragists ready to take on the Constitution.  She was always an independent woman who raised her son by herself (her husband died young), could gut a catfish faster than any man, and didn’t mind kicking young great nephews under the table if they should happen to bid wrong in a game of 42.

Such independent women are to be admired since they seem to know where they are going and what it will take to get them there.  I like that type of independence in a woman (I’m dating such a woman) and would not really consider them feminist as they are happy in their own skin and can co-habitate with the male portion of our species without having an agenda being worn on their sleeve.  I would place my mom in that same group although she was and has always been a housewife.  While today’s feminist will roll their eyes and mutter anti-housewifian phrases at her, they fail to realize she raised six boys, was instrumental in their choices of direction in this life and in the spirit of independence, ensured that everyone of them could wash, iron, mend, and cook.  She was determined that if the female world out there ever figured out our worth, we would need to know how to survive on our own as no sane woman would ever consider those rather impish boys. 

The new feminist, however, seems to be in a constant state of righteous anger… about everything!  I listen to their music and you would think that every woman is a victim and all men are the oppressors.  They are irked at bad relationships, bad pay, and bad jobs that obviously were the result of some evil intention thrust upon them by a male dominant society.  Tirades are chanted in some perversion of three part harmony that denounce society in general, especially those segments of society that are chromosominally challenged.  They are quick to state that they really don’t need men and would be quite happy to be the only sex walking around on this planet.  They make less, they are more talented, they are suppressed by the good ol’ boys, and I am pretty sure they believe the business world is built on double standards; one for men, one for women.  Because of this they are suspicious of anything that is done for them whether it some guy opening a door for them or heaven forbid, pull out a chair for them so they can sit down at a table.  Hmm, I think I can address that attitude on several planes;

1. If my high school biology classes were correct, it takes men and women to produce offspring, be they feminist or not.
2. A planet of strictly females is a planet doomed to drown in estrogen.
3. Not all men are oppressors but I will admit that they can be gourd heads from time to time.
4. Speaking for myself, I believe you pay a person for what they are worth.  I don’t care if they are male or female, if they do the job they get paid for it.  I would hope in our 21st century such thinking is the norm, not the exception.
5. Bad relationships are often the fault of both parties.  It takes two to tango, right?  Perhaps the anger generated from bad relationships might be the result from the realization that they made a bad choice.

I guess when I stop to think about the new breed of feminist I am reticent to endorse their agenda.  My daughters are all strong independent women who will do well in this world because they know how to utilize the talents they have and have developed.  They will accomplish their goals because of their tenacity, not because of some movement that forces its agenda upon the rest of the masses.  They definitely don’t need a moniker to define who they are.

Oh, and I still hold doors open for women and will continue to do so.  Not because I have some distorted idea about the roles of men and women… but because it is just good manners.

My Thought Processes on Women

In a recent post by my daughter, Slvr, she made a reference to a book she was reading and I believe she maintained that the author and I had a lot in common when it came to our thought processes about women and how we verbalized those thought processes. Hmm, since my fevered little brain is in constant flux, I have not really taken the time to put such thoughts down in the form of a blog unless they were thoughts along such lines of “How To” for young men who might be trying to figure out this enigmatic creature we ponder, woman.

Maybe I should do more blogging on my thought processes about women. Heaven knows this world needs to be educated about such things but being a closet cynic (okay, perhaps I am more of a flaming cynic) I am not sure the world is all that eager to be educated much less desiring any enlightenment on such subjects that deal with the feminine mentality. Besides, all the really good points have been discussed in jokes, stories, or sitcoms in one form or another.

However, since my daughter has placed me in the position of people thinking I actually do have a thought process about women, I guess I should forge ahead and put such thoughts down in the form of a blog. So consider this installment one of

Frustrated Thought Processes About Women

General Thoughts

1. Women are the first creatures men learn to trust. We were carried around in a womb for months while bonding with our mother in a safe environment as we matured in our rapidly developing state of embryonic bliss. Mom kept us warm, fed, and even treated us to samplings of what the outside world would be bringing us when we were ready. Right when we start to get comfortable with this arrangement, we are rudely deposited into the hands of a doctor who promptly spanks us, clips our safety line, and exposes us to bright lights, cool air, and a roomful of gawking people. Our first lesson in trust.
2. Women are also our first exposure to social graces. They make sure we take a bath once a week, whether we need it or not, eat with the proper fork, sip liquids quietly from a cup, and refrain from expelling bodily gasses in the presence of other people. We are then deemed fit to enter society where we find out that all of our class mates eat with their hands, guzzle milk noisily, pass gas, belch, and genuinely have fun. We have our first paradoxial moment of angst because who do we believe; mom or our peers? It does not matter what our decision is because ultimately it will be mom who makes that decision for us.
3. Women are our first teachers of how to handle conflict. We are taught from an early age to share, to apologize, and to avoid fighting at all costs. Dad, on the other hand, encourages us to dominate, conquer, hunt, and when the moment calls for it, to give our peers a good smacking around. We stand confused between the two extremes. A bully is picking on us and mom tells us to try to understand where he is coming from and that all he really needs is a hug. Dad tells us to smack him first and do not quit smacking him until you have him whimpering for mercy. We follow the patriarchal path and we soon have our buddies pounding us on the back with congratulatory expressions of manliness while if we followed the matriarchal path we find ourselves the victims of wedgies, swirlies, and red bellies. Torn and bleeding we return home to find dad giving us the thumbs up and mom giving us a disapproving look complete with tears since we have failed her. How can you savor a victory in those kind of conditions?

In conclusion of general thoughts; women have such a dominant power over men from the beginning. We trust them, we listen to them, we even try to emulate them until the threat of being pounded on a daily basis over comes their tutelage. I have no doubt that women are the thinkers, the nurturers and for the most part molders of society. I do think that as we grow up in their shadow, we men tend to find their message contradictory to our testosterone laden minds which means any thought processes we happen to have about them grow out of an inner struggle between heart and mind… two potent forces seldom used by men.

Is it any wonder we walk around looking confused?

As for further blogs about my thought processes on women, I will wait for requests (i.e. Frustrated, what are your thought processes about women and shopping? Women and sports? Women and politics? You get the idea) and post on those if any of them should show up.

Salvation Saves Savvy Shark’s Shooting Skills

Yesterday some nice barbers came and gave free haircuts to kids.  I was there taking pictures, chatting with the barbers, telling them all “thanks” for the nice thing they were doing and making sure the kids were grateful as well.  Part of the joy of free haircut day is having a chance to spend some time with all of the kids.  You get a chance to carpet bowl with the twins of destruction, Tish and Trish (yeah, the names have been changed to protect the innocent) and find out just how much humiliation these two masters of controlling cue balls can put on one person.  There are games of pool to be played where young budding pool sharks hone their skills as they take you to task in standard eight ball.  The best part is the discussions you have with the kids. 

I was playing pool with a young man who between shots announces to me, “I’ve been baptized.”

“Congratulations!  When were you baptized?”

“Yesterday.  I’m living a new life now.”

“Excellent!  I bet your family is happy.”

“Yeah, I’m living a new life and shooting a new game of pool.  They dunked me in the water and now I am a much better pool player.  It took away my sin and my bad pool playing.”  I was processing this information as I watched him line up the four ball for a soft shot that should place it in the side pocket.  He grins and sends the cue ball hurtling down the felt, missing the four ball, hitting the eight ball into the right corner pocket while scratching too.  I was about to suggest that he go back for a second dunking when he smiles up at me and says, “You ever heard of grace?  Since I have grace now, that shot never happened.”

Realizing this was one of those tender moments of helping a young man search out his faith, to discover whatever he is hungry for in this world we are walking through, I shook my affirmatively and with all the graciousness that this moment in time called for, I told him, “Good try!  I’m thinking you need to work on your pool game and your lines.  Eight ball dropped, you lost, you rack ‘em.”

Yes, it is always good to have a chance to help with a young man’s journey through life.

Flooding

The rains keep coming and the creeks just keep rising to the point our city is finding it hard to locate a dry space on which to perch while your possessions are floating down the street.  Fortunately my house is not in the flood plain but there are many folks who aren’t so lucky.

Driving home on Saturday I passed through Hamlin, Texas that was flooding in a big way.  Out of the four roads into town, two were totally closed because of the water moving over the bridges leaving town.  I tried to find an alternate route and when none presented themselves, I asked one of the locals if there were any safe routes out of town.

“You might try the Stamford road if they haven’t shut it down yet.”

So I try the Stamford road and sure enough, water is running across bridges but not more than six inches deep.  Following the truck in front of me, I make my way carefully across each stretch of water until I am clear.  I hadn’t gotten clear very long before the highway dept. arrived with barricades to shut down this highway too.

I watched the flood waters recede here yesterday and I know everyone will be happy to get back to business as they recover from the waters.  Living in a typically dry environment, you hate to complain about the rain but I do think we could use a small break in the weather… just in time for the hurricane to hit the Texas coast.  Sigh.

Asking Directions

Wandering around the Texas Panhandle countryside isn’t a bad thing but when you are two hours late to a retreat and running low on gas, you come to the conclusion that perhaps it might be prudent to pull over and ask for directions.  I pull into the town of Tulia, Texas, a town famous for drug busts gone awry, and at the gas station I ask, “Do you know where Ceta Glen is?”

The highly trained staff with a combined work experience of twenty-six weeks between the three of them, respectfully give me a dead fish stare and then proceed with the following pertinent information.

“Ceta Glen?  Isn’t that in Amarillo?”

“No, it’s not in Amarillo, it is by Palo Duro Canyon.”

“Man, you don’t know what you’re talking about, it is that racetrack over by Canyon.”

I thanked them for their most helpful directions and journeyed from their establishment until I drove past City Hall.  Surely they would have someone here who would know where Ceta Glen was.  I am sure they did if someone was actually there.  Discouraged, I started back out of town when I located the County Jail.  County jails have sheriffs or deputies who would surely know where everything is in the county, right?   I pull up into the parking lot and lucky me, there is a deputy standing right next to a car.

“Excuse me, do you know where Ceta Glen is?”  She looks uneasy, not unlike a child who wasn’t aware there was going to be a pop quiz in geography, and then gives me wonderful directions.

“Ceta Glen?  Is that around here?”  I assure her it is, or least it used to be 30 years ago.  She tells me to stay put and she will find someone who surely will know.  I stay put until Jailer Dan shows up and gives me wonderful directions that take me straight to the encampment.

Next time I will know to stop and ask directions from the local jailer.  Who knew?

On Retreats

Went to a Men’s Retreat at the request of my father and I must admit I had a good time catching up with old friends, chatting with my dad, and meeting new friends.  The fear I always have of such things as this is that there will be a time we all stand up, hold hands, and sing Cum-ba-yah.  Nothing wrong with touchy feely type of stuff, I just don’t really want to spend my time doing it with guys who at any moment might experience an epiphany and decide they have to share it by blubbering all over my shoulder.  Make that epiphanous men wearing Texas A&M jerseys… well, that is borderline satanic, I think.

Nothing like that happened.

We had some good conversations, good food (okay, the chocolate pudding with graham cracker crumbs tossed on it that smelled a bit like grease laden particle board was a little over the top, but everything else was good.  I personally didn’t have any of the pudding as I am not a pudding type of guy but I was concerned there might be an incessant need for stomach pumps for everyone else) and the trip itself was rather relaxing, even if I did get lost on my way up.

They are already planning another retreat for next year.  I think I might go if they will allow me to bring the bourbon and cigars.