My friend Weevil sent me an age calculator that asks you 34 questions and then determines how long you have upon this earth. There are questions like “how much alcohol do you consume a day” and “how much and how strenuous is your daily exercise routine” and “do you wear a seat-belt” but I think they fail to ask the really pertinent questions really determine the longevity of a human. For instance:
- How many times in a year do you smack an alligator on the nose?
- How many times a day do you roll bums for pocket change?
- Do you enjoy running through rush hour traffic in the nude?
- Do you belong to a cult that has its own compound and makes a habit of taunting the FBI and the ATF?
- Do you vacation in the Middle East?
- How often do you fly airlines from 3rd World countries?
- Do you know and socialize with O.J. personally?
- Are you married to Robert Blake?
- Do you enjoy feeding bears in Yellowstone while flashing a camera strobe in their face?
- Do you consistently yell racial slurs in Harlem or Watts?
- Do you sky dive in electrical storms?
I think these type of questions would come closer to determining how long you are going to live in this world. However, if you want to check out your probable life span, you can click on this link:
http://www.poodwaddle.com/realage.swf
My life expectancy is 89.3 years provided I give up smacking alligators around while feeding strobe-crazed bears in Yellowstone.
