Thirteen Items That Should Never Hit a Halloween Bag
Having been a connoisseur of Halloween for ages, I believe I speak for every child when I list the following 13 totally uncool items to toss in a Halloween bag after the call of the Trick or Treat.
- Broccoli. In fact avoid anything you can boil and cover with cheese.
- Carrot Sticks. Yes they are colorful but they aren’t that good with a Reese’s and do you really want to be known as the House of Dweebs?
- A copy of The Watchtower. Although it does make for a scary costume if you want to dress up in black with ultraconservative shoes and pass these out. In fact that is almost terrifying.
- Make that any religious tract or symbol. It is a night for kids to find the almighty sugar rush, not salvation and believe me, they won’t find salvation in a carefully worded tract with an agenda attached.
- Homemade caramel apples covered in plastic wrap. These are great items to get, but let them pull the one of their choice off of a tray and eat it while trick or treating. That way it won’t melt in their bag.
- Cheap off the wall brand named candy. You know what I mean… that stuff that you can’t even identify that you paid $1 for a 20 pound bag. Believe me, all those pieces go into the trash or into the mouth of a toddler who doesn’t know any better.
- Those coconut candies that have red, white and brown stripes through them. Even dogs won’t eat those, what makes you think a kid will?
- Pencils. Okay, kids do chew on pencils during a hard test while they are absorbing thinking enzymes from the leaded paint on the pencil, but don’t ruin the night of fun by reminding them they are heading back to school the next day.
- Sugar free gum. This night is about obtaining the all time sugared high and to diminish that challenge in a child is just criminal.
- Apples or oranges. Okay, I’ll concede that these make great throwing items but if you are only trying to keep them healthy then wait until two days later when they are so sick of candy they are ready for something healthy.
- Toothbrushes. Sheesh, give them a bar of soap and a wash rag while you are at it.
- Colored hard boiled eggs. Wrong holiday Ishmael.
- A lecture. If you don’t like Halloween and refuse to participate, turn your lights off. They’ll get the message and not bother you. If it was a lecture that they needed, they would’ve gone to the local college to garner their treats.
