Regurgitation of Valentines Day

I wrote this piece several years ago and it quickly became a favorite so I am going to post it on the blog.  Please read the p.s. at the end…

Advice for the Romantics Out There 

            Yeah, yeah, yeah, it is February again.  That means that all around this land there will be romantic evenings planned, the purchasing of the perfect gift that represents one’s love for their partner, and cards… lots of cards will be bought and sent thus saving the United Postal Service from financial ruin.  Perhaps you are one of those who sits for hours trying to come up with the ultimate scheme that will prove once and for all your undying devotion for your loved one.  You are in luck!  I happen to have just a few examples of such acts of devotion that will inspire you to break new ground on this day of amore¢.

            In 1863, Jack Thingwurst, of Muncy, Indiana, thought that his love should receive something from her soldier on this special day.  Starting in early January, Jack whittled his little pumpkin a heart from the wood off the stock of his rifle.  The carving had delicate inlays of bone, taken from the buttons of Confederate soldiers, depicting cupid, surrounded with doves, shooting an arrow of love into a heart.  When he finished the carving, he sent it by courier to Betty Jakoski, also of Muncy, in time for Valentines Day.  Imagine her surprise when she opened the package to find this exquisite piece of art, taken from her lover’s gunstock while he was off fighting.  Imagine Jack’s surprise when Johnny Rebs overran his camp and dispatched him quickly from this world when he couldn’t shoulder his rifle to get off a shot, but hey, such a small price to pay for love, right?

            In 1918, Howard Crumbacher, a confectioner of El Paso, Texas, made his love an individualized box of chocolates.  Each chocolate formed a letter that spelled out, “With All My Love, Howard” and since he used his love’s favorite nougat filling inside, it was a hit!  Unfortunately, Howard had just caught the flu bug that was going around and his love, Karen Johnson, of Carlsbad, New Mexico, caught it too when she munched down on the candies.  Howard survived to make more candy; Karen lived long enough to curse him as she passed from this life in a pool of sweat.  Isn’t love precious?

            In 1963, Helen Bickering, of Atlanta, Georgia, made a basket of cookies for the love of her life, none other than Elvis Presley, of Memphis, Tennessee.  Along with the cookies was a ten page letter of her undying love for the king of rock and roll and a promise that she would wait faithfully for him to come and sweep her off her feet.  Elvis never came, but he did eat the cookies and they were so good that he continued to eat cookies just like them until he finally died sitting on his throne.  Overweight.  Sweaty.  Totally rank.  Helen never stopped loving him though and sent him cookies every year at Valentines Day and even would drop a batch off by the grave after he had been planted in Graceland.  It was during one of these visits that she was accidentally run over by a Greyhound bus full of members of Elvis’ fan club, from Stevens Point, Wisconsin.  She died in the street, smashed cookies crumbled all over her broken body, just 93 feet from the bosom of the man she loved.  Sigh… stories like this just give me goose bumps.

            I think you can see that you have your work cut out for you if you are going to try to top one of these monumental acts of love.  Good luck to you and yours on this mushiest of days and I shall leave you with a Valentine blessing…

            May your expression of love be tender and sweet.  May your chocolates be void of coconut treats. 
May your card have your lover’s sentiments sworn         May they remember to remove the roses’ thorns.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

 P.S. This is the first of two such writings.  The second one will seem a little cynical but I will add a post script on it as well.