Sleeping through movies

There is a vicious rumor among the blogging world that has been perpetuated by certain offspring that ol’ Frustrated sleeps through movies.  Yes, even movies he has paid good money to watch, he will fall into a slumber that makes him easy prey from mascera maurading manglers who get their jollies from applications of eye shadow, mascera, and fingernail polish to innocent movie watchers who just so happen to absorb their movies through hibernation osmosis.

Does the ol’ Frustrated sleep through movies?  Hmm, I think not.  Okay, it took me 18 times to make it through Moulan Rouge’ but believe me, taking it in via 18 segments was probably the only way I could maintain my sanity.  Golden Compass, it only took three times and yes, I watched the polar bears all three times, thank you very much.  I think the formula for sleeping through movies is adversely affected by the amount of action involved.  For instance, I didn’t sleep a wink in Hitman, Kill Bill, Last Man Standing, True Grit, A Bridge To Far, etc….

So if you want me to watch a chick flick with you, then you better have lots of action… explosions, shootings, and aerial battles… yeah, that’s the ticket.

Random Mutterings

Just read there are 40,000 toilet related injuries in the U.S. every year. I’m thinking 35,000 of those are alcohol related but still wonder how you maim yourself while sitting on a toilet. Although I remember one job I had where a machinist was so large he broke the toilet off of the wall when he sat down. That was a mess for sure… but he only had minor injuries, if I remember right.

Working with bureaucrats is akin to trying to nail an eel to a tree. They are slippery, tough to nail down, and you generally end up using the tree to hang yourself from the frustration.

They arrested a student at Drake University for assaulting an officer by throwing M&Ms at him. $1,000 bond later the student was released but I am thinking that the throwing of M&Ms at a person is more like foreplay than assault. Maybe the officer preferred peanut to plain. Hmm…

Just my luck… a reporter is pierced by a javelin at a high school track meet in Provo, Utah, and I wasn’t there to enjoy it. I have always been a proponent of the sport of javelin catching but had always thought the contestants should be lawyers but reporters are a nice touch.

Senator Kennedy has been diagnosed with a brain tumor. Luckily it is already pickled so it should be easy to remove and store in a museum somewhere. I think he should do his rehab in the waters around Chappaquiddick.

My Dallas Stars lost. Sigh. They at least won two series and gave Detroit a small run for their money in the last series. On a high note… how about those New Orleans Hornets? What? They lost? My point exactly… go Spurs!

An interesting conversation I had today consisted of three references to frogs, five references to cat tails, and six references to tree huggers. No references to .22s though. Sigh.

My great aunt Mary passed away and tomorrow there will be an assembling of family to celebrate her life. Shame we wait for such occasions to get together with family. Somehow I think aunt Mary is going to miss out on all of the activity. You know it is bad when you try to organize a family reunion and everyone hopes Uncle Frank kicks the bucket in September when the weather is much nicer.

I finally got around to watching The Golden Compass. Fighting polar bears are cool. There should be more movies with fighting polar bears.

A Need For Fishing

One of my favorite lines in Camalot is from “I Wonder What the King, Is Doing Tonight?” when King Arthur asks, “You wonder what the king is doing tonight? He’s wishing he was fishing, in Scotland tonight!” I think I know the feeling. Sometimes it just seems to be the thing to do… go fishing.

Work has you down? Go fishing. Use bait. Watch a bobber do its dance as perch peck at the worm or minnow you have on the hook. Just that thought brings out a poem…

I watched the bobber swirl and dip
Moving quickly from its previous spot
At an amazingly rapid clip
Until I yanked and the fish was caught.
The bobber dove under the murk
But making sure I could eye it’s white
As I pulled the line and finally jerked
The catfish into the afternoon light.
A quick removal of a hook
A simple splash goodbye
A fish returned to the brook
With me being a happy guy.
Baited hook, an easy cast
My bobber nestles down
Stress free minutes begin to pass
As my worries begin to drown.

Repentent Writer Repels Ridiculous Rumor

There have been some vicious rumors about the ol’ Frustrated Writer and why he hasn’t posted much in the last four months. Let me put some of those rumors to rest! In no particular order…

1. Frustrated got married and his wife won’t let him blog anymore. True, I got married but my lovely wife not only lets me blog but encourages me to write.

2. Frustrated has been called back into service of the CIA and has been participating in covert operations in southern Iraq. False. I haven’t ever been to southern Iraq that I can think of unless you call quick trips in the midst of a flu induced hallucination as valid trips. I also have never been in the CIA unless those initials stand for Certifiable Idiot Association, which I have a sporadic membership with depending on the time of the year.

3. Frustrated has been working as a stunt double for Harrison Ford in the new Indiana Jones movie. False. Lucas wouldn’t cough up the bucks I require for such services. At least I think he won’t as we have never actually had a conversation about me being a stunt double for Harrison. I think they are too hung up on me being 4 inches shorter and forty pounds heavier.

4. Frustrated has taken up with a traveling band of gypsies and is currently making money performing the ever popular dance, “The Dance of the Seven Speedos.” False. I am not legally allowed to wear a Speedo in public or in private. Sigh.

5. Frustrated has been working with the Sweet Hillary campaign. Oh so false, so false. I am pretty sure my name is listed somewhere in her “Don’t You Ever Let This Boy Within 100 Feet of Me” book. It has something to do with this blue dress I sold on Ebay.

6. Frustrated has taken time off to spend with his grandchildren. False. What grandchildren?

7. My personal favorite, Frustrated has been working out for his debut in this year’s Ultimate Fighting competition. Unless I am allowed to walk into the ring with TASERs and stun grenades, I don’t see that ever happening as my bones break easily, my flesh bruises even easier, and I have this irritating tendency to scream like a girl when someone is chasing me around the ring trying to rip me apart.

So why haven’t I been posting. Busy. That’s all it is, a total lack of time. I will try to get better though. Just maybe not this month. Or June. Possibly July.

Thursday 13 for May 1

My birthday is in three days so I am going to be a bit self-centered and write a birthday list…

Thirteen Birthday Gifts I Definitely Wouldn’t Be Offended to Get…

1. A multi-fold, station, use ladder (I have this already as Twyla got it for me early… it is totally awesome!)

2. Smith & Wesson stainless .45

3. Ruger Ranch Rifle

4. World Peace (thought I should toss that one in there for altruistic reasons)

5. Ruger .480 Redhawk

6. Taurus Raging Hornet

7. Dillon Press

8. Toyota Four Runner

9. A set of airline tickets for us to go see all of our kids.

10. A grandchild.

11. A 5 million dollar endowment for my organization

12. A week long trip to do nothing but fish.

13. An end to world hunger.

I think that is a nice mix of selfish and non-selfish items…

Hope everyone has a great day!