Is That The Best Ya Got Scotty?

My dad just emailed me and let me know one of my first bosses has passed away. Scotty Witt ran the kitchen at a restaurant where I was a bus boy first, then a dishwasher, and finally a line prep. He was vertically challenged but what he lacked in height he more than made up in mouth. Yelling, snapping, and pointing, he kept everyone hopping and laughing as we got the job done.

I think my favorite Scotty line was, “Is that the best ya got? I hope not or you are in for a sad life.” He tossed this out for cleaning tables, dish washing, and cutting vegetables for the salad bar. It would bring a smile to my face and generally a retort of “Nah, I’m holding back for something important” which would bring a tirade of “You better find this important chuckleberry” followed by a unique combination of half curses and threats.

Maybe when gets to the pearly gates St. Peter will ask him…”Is that the best ya got Scotty? If it is you are in for a sad eternity…” and then grin as he slaps him on the back and ushers him in. Maybe Scotty will remember to reply, “Nah, I’m saving it for something important…”

Just Call Me “Grace”

Walking with my three gals last night, I managed to step off the walking track which gave me inspiration to do a nice pirouette. This was not an easy feat as it required me to step lightly over the leash, maintain my balance so as not to pile drive my face into the grass, while maintaining my dignity amongst the guffaws of my youngest. Twyla, bless her heart, was able to keep a straight face for about 5 seconds as she inquired about my well being.

I didn’t hurt anything but my pride. Wondering if there is a brace I can purchase for such a thing…

Happy Birthday Mike!

So my friend Mike is completing another year on this ol’ orb we call earth. I know high fives are going all around because we, his many friends, are excited for this most revered celebration because (drum roll please) he has another reason to add to the many excuses of why…

1. He can’t beat me in disc golf…
2. He gets smoked in ping pong…
3. And why he has a gazillion grandkids. (Okay, this one makes me jealous).

However, my friend Mike is still one of the finest guys I know and is as smooth and great as those fantastic cigars he smokes from time to time. Happy birthday Mike! Hope the candles on your cake are wrapped in cellophane with a paper ring bearing a large “C” proudly displayed on the side.

Thursday 13 for September 25

13 Random Thoughts About the Economy

1. Economy is cyclical. We are due for a recession/depression.
2. Bailout the Big Boys… why does this smack of desperation?
3. Here is a thought; why not pay off the debt of every American (it is bound to be cheaper than 700 billion) and suddenly the Big Boys would be flush with cash and Americans would able to start over.
4. Maybe in exchange for the bailout, we should let the CEO’s pay back the debt by serving in Iraq until we are done there.
5. I’m just waiting for a politician to say, “Let them eat cake.”
6. You know there was this fellow named Guillotine who had an interesting concept about what we should do with irresponsible leaders.
7. I think I am going to let my Chase Visa bill be late so when they call I can say, “Hey, don’t worry about it. I’m bailing you out… we’ll call it even.”
8. I realize we bailed out the Savings and Loan group at the tune of 293.8 Billion in 1989, but shouldn’t we have learned our lesson from that fiasco?
9. So we have bailed out airlines, banks, defense contractors, car manufacturers, and railroads. Doesn’t this start to look like big businesses are profiting from the taxes of the worker? I realize they provide jobs but somewhere in my mind I had this wild idea that this was a free market economy where we are free to succeed and free to fail.
10. I don’t envy whoever is elected as the next President.
11. So if the American economy fails… what happens to the world economy? Maybe those folks who stand to lose the most from our problems should be tossing something into the pot as well.
12. I’m not sure I’ve ever seen a more scary time in the area of economics. 9/11 was close but this seems much worse than that.
13. I may just have to stop watching the news. The economy is such a depressing issue (every pun intended).

Bail Me Out, Mr. Congressman

Dear Mr. Congressman or Representative,

Having accumulated my fair share of debt, I would like to appeal to your sense of economic morality and ask that you bail me out. I have made it easy on you with a simple list of expenses and proactive solutions for you to initiate that will make the small economy I support free of any anxiety and will also allow my stakeholders to walk away from their risk with a small profit.

Debt elimination: Counting house, cars, and miscellaneous credit cards, I will need you purchase all of my earthly goods for a tidy sum of $175,000.

Compensation Packages: My co-CEO and I will require a compensation package of $5,000,000 apiece for all of our efforts to get ourselves in debt. Please note that we aren’t asking for any of those outlandish packages of 40-60 million dollars, just a small pittance really that the GAO won’t even notice when it is gone.

Asset assumption: When our compensation packages are in the bank (preferably in a bank of our choosing that hasn’t had to be bailed out by you already) we will hand over the keys to our vehicles, house, and the remains of our shredded credit cards. I do ask for a thirty day grace period to find a much bigger house and to purchase much better cars than what we have now. After that, feel free to come on in and make yourself at home.

Wildlife Relocation Fees: We have on our property one wild dog and a number of wild cats. It will cost us approximately $75,000 to relocate them to another place so they won’t affect you newly acquired property from this bailout. I have another habitat picked out for them and I believe you will find the $35,000 needed for an environmental study, $25,000 needed for capturing and moving the animals, and the $5,000 handling fee are all within your governmental guidelines for saving endangered animals (if we don’t move them with us, the crazy lady next door will most likely eat them).

I am willing to save you another $750 in accounting fees by totaling up the expenses needed for this bailout. $5,250,000. A bargain!

When can I expect payment?

The Mourners’ Bench

I went to a funeral where on the mourners bench (the front row) sat a family who was here to pay their last respects for a parent who had skipped out on them at a young age. The parent had reconnected in later years but observing the bench I couldn’t help but notice the lack of tears. Not that the parent had earned them, not by a long shot, but it made me wonder if I am the only one who has that fear of when my bones are tossed into a grave that the mourners’ bench will be dry.

It is an unsettling thought.

Walking the Dog

We are back to walking and our dog and Millie, the Wonder Dog, loves the 2 mile excursion and can’t wait to get on the ol’ leash to strike out. So for Millie… a poem… like she cares.

Yes! Yes! Yes! Here they come
With a leash and comforting pet
It must mean we’re leaving home
And exercise I will soon get.

Into the kitchen we go
Where there is the smell of cat
If you tell me, I would you know
Make all these cats go scat!

Okay, cats terrify me, I admit
But they do have sharp claws
And they always throw such hissy fits
For no apparent cause.

Into the garage, out onto the drive
Oh the front yard is just like heaven
No fences, oh it’s good to be alive!

My doggie engine’s is just a revvin’.
Down the street to the park
Where other dogs are roaming
I like to give them all a good bark
Except the ones that are foaming.
Watch this, I am jumping
At that big ol’ black dog there
He’s lucky I’m not a thumpin’
Him on his raggedy derriere.
Hey, that Schauzer’s peeing
All over the pretty grass
I can’t believe what I’m seeing
That Chihuahua is sniffing it’s…
Oh look, I see kids coming up
Maybe they’ll scratch my head
‘Cause I’m one cute lil’ pup
What? Nothing? Hey kid, drop dead.
Oh no, we are turning back
Leaving this dog filled nirvana
I haven’t begun to attack
All the doggies that I wanna.
I wish I could slip the collar
And run like wind to be free
Maybe find a million dollars
That would buy pig ears just for me.
Alas it looks like we are close
And I see the gate is open
At least I got another dose
Of a two mile joyful loping.

Let Me Get This Straight…

If I am understanding the present economy correctly…

The guys who demand payments on time and charge exorbitant late fees get a free pass from the government?

Maybe next time they call one of us we should say… “Hey, I pay my taxes and I pulled your butt out of the fire… I think you owe me now… when can I expect payment?”

What Time Is It?

There are times I want to sleep
Instead of getting up to work
When life has me wanting to creep
To avoid confrontation with some jerk.
There are times I want to shout
And express my present rage
To tell others what I’m all about
Freeing me from a mental cage.
There are times I want to sing
Those songs both happy and sad
When music becomes a living thing
Expressing the life I’ve had.
There are times I start to write
Every thought going through my head
But then I feel a bit contrite
And erase all the words instead.
There are times I want to flee
The troubles and challenges of life
To do everything to protect me
From life draining emotional strife.
But there are times when I pause
And contemplate all that is good
My family, friends, and love, because
With me they’ve always stood.
There are times both good in bad
In this frail life of mine
When wisdom is there to be had
If I would just take the time.

Wake up call

I have a friend who has been struggling with a personal crises that no one should ever have to face. Today he took me up my offers to talk to him if he ever just needed to talk. He called while I was on another line and when I became free, I called him back. The conversation took me back to my own time of struggling when the option of continuing on in this world was losing its viability fast. It was the phone call of a friend that kept me straight and reminded me of my worth and the people who were depending on me.

This was a wake up call. Too many times I glance at the number and say, “I’ll call them back later.” Sometimes there is no later. The chance is missed. The opportunity squandered. The friendship betrayed.